I have had this journey everyday of my life. But have prayed over the past months for a significant change from God my healer. This is a huge step and Is still in process but with all the weakness I am and the Strength God is I asked he comfort and heal me from my depression. I can see how far I've come with his strength as it certainly isn't my own! And I am recently anti depressants free!! I have my ups and downs still but I feel it is at least a bit more bearable now and I believe he can do anything if we only ask. But most of all the prayer support and promises God has given me have given me some hope. I try to focus on the promises rather than the things I cannot change. It is a struggle and it is a journey but as in footprints in the sand, God is with me every step of the way. God bless and thankyou for sharing, as this is just as hard to do. Much love and God bless xxx
Today I cried. A lot. So much so, that my cheeks are raw and my skin burns with each and every subsequent tear that falls. But I don't know really why I'm cryIng. There are a few solid reasons why I'm crying but I couldn't pinpoint which one is the real reason behind my sorrow. The worst part is that I feel like a burden to those around me whose usual disposition is cheerful and joyful. I feel guilty for bringing a sombre mood and attitude to the table and so I would prefer to stay away. See, I can't give a single answer for my blubbing and that is frustrating. I just know that nobody understands. Truth is, I feel alone. Totally alone in this...even when I know I'm surrounded with loving friends and family that care and want the best for me. I'm still alone in this. But this isn't a plea for pity, it's just the depression and I know that. But depression is a lonely disease and I understand why people take their own lives...because there is no escape from yourself. Sometimes I feel that, if I could take a holiday from myself and my mind, I would. And so even if I had the most loving, understanding, comforting person in the world with me for every minute of every day and night, that knew my struggles inside and out…I would still be alone in this. Because nobody can be me...be inside my head, know my thoughts and feelings and feel them and think them with me.
Except there is. And not only is He a comforter...Jesus is the comforter. He knows me inside and out and He knows my thoughts and feelings before they happen, He knows why I am crying even if I do not. He knows what the outcome will be, knows what tomorrow will bring, and the next day, next week and next year...until the end of time. And He does live inside me. He knows. And I trust him.
“And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever- the spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.”
Having this knowledge, that God is always with me and that the Holy spirit is in me, brings comfort. It is a promise from God and that is a promise you can truly rely on.
Letting Jesus into my life was the biggest, most profound, scariest and hardest decision I have ever made. It scared me. I knew it would mean changes, not just to my lifestyle but to those around me too. I was frightened by what people would think, sure...and what people would say. Would they think I had gone crazy? (crazier) how would it effect my kids lives? And what would it all mean? But in hindsight...I can’t believe I waited as long as I did, because although it changed me and my life (in all good and amazing ways)...I now feel like I have a safety net. I know that wherever life takes me, it will be part of a plan and that any pain and trials I face, where I would once wonder what was going on or why me, I now know will teach me something or strengthen me. I don’t feel like I have to work things out for myself anymore, I know God is shaping me into the person He wants me to be and that is so reassuring that it almost takes the worry and fear away from anything I face. Even when I’m balling my eyes out for seemingly no reason at all!
If you feel alone, for whatever reason...it doesn't have to be a mental health issue. Please get in touch with one of the Hope Whitby team, or leave a comment on this blog and one us will get back to you as soon as we can. Just don’t suffer in silence. Talking about your problems can be the first step to getting on top of them.
Thank you so much for sharing this with us, it really is God's great strength that pulls us through. And congratulations on being med free! That is a place I pray to be someday. Well done.
Love Ceri. Xx
My name is Beverley Sandler and I am a highly qualified Counsellor in Manchester. I read your post with great interest and can relate to a lot of what you have said.
Just a quick thank you for creating the content and if you ever need any insight into Cognitive Behavioural Therapy or Wellness Coaching I would be more than happy to help.
Thank you for the information, I shall keep that in mind. And thank you for your encouraging comments.